The end is near

I saw hunger games last night. I won't give a review or commentary on the metaphors but I will say it caused me to reconsider how the end is near.

I keep thinking if I really understood how the end times will be (in horror and pain)I would share the gospel... But the reality is- the end is near for thousands of souls at this moment - and at this moment I am as vain as those fictional characters in the Capitol , I'm just better at hiding it.

Ministry + Earthly Reality + Future reality= life as i know it

I stopped blogging- you may have noticed. I just couldn't think of anything to say. I don't know where people get these ideas from to write about and i have had friends encouraging me to recount the journey of ministry- but I have no idea where to pull the words from. So here is an attempt to fill you in honestly and succinctly on the reality of our current ministry.


Chris and I have been living at Sacandaga Bible Conference in Broadalbin, NY since September of last year. Chris is the maintenance director here and I... I catch a lot of Price is Right... (joke-sort of) I help here and there. Got to paint Chris' office and help design the camp brochure for 2012. Mostly any movement for me has been through our church. Have been just trying to meet and love people- have meals, live in other people lives in the hope of changing the world.

And this is where I am trying to face God because the picture I thought he was giving me and the reality of ministry are so very different. I thought I would come, like a force of nature and put my energy into this camp until the point of exhaustion. I thought we would renovate the A-frame we live in and make it the place people come to for safety, hugs, weeping, prayer and definitely singing and dancing! But the picture i cant see is so different.

People come to our house, despite the rather hideous paneling and spiders, and I try to accept that my home will never be featured in some cool thrifty renovation article. And the picture includes exactly enough for our needs plus the occasional date or movie, but i surrender my aesthetic expectations to the God who will sacrifice the physical for the sake of my spiritual growth.

And the picture brings a friend named Stephanie who somehow will have the same yet not the same job as me this summer (nevermind) who i can pray with and dream and plan with and hopefully come up with exciting games and themes for the summer. But it scares me too because I don't know where it will all go or come from or if it will happen.

There are pieces i think i can see but i struggle with skepticism- will this happen, is there hope- how long will i sit in this ministry waiting room?

And in the picture i realize i am just as much as ever an insane control freak, a narcissist and scared of being alone all while running every time something starts feeling too rhythmic. So as I am here, in Ny, in the woods I had been longing for- God has handed me a mirror.. plus himself.