I wrote a friend this morning who I haven't talked to lately and at one point in the message I said, 'ministry isn't as glamorous as I thought it would be.'
does anyone else struggle with this- with really thinking it should *feel like something, like we truly are 'other -worldly' and as we are here so temporarily AND therefore the laundry does't matter so much. Well here I am, trying to figure out a life where I am VERY this-worldly, where I care about the way my laundry is folded, and how long there will be ugly wood paneling in my house, and when i will be able to say, 'God is doing this great thing and it hurts but it's so good'... and not be thinking about primer.
i struggle with my shallowness verses the things unseen, because, well- they are unseen and the stuff i want is right here on this magazine page. I struggle with thinking i am God's gift to everyone (yes i am that arrogant) and i struggle with loving a truly wonderful humble husband because he doesn't put the toaster away.
so lately i have not been praying for anything too big- just, love. "God, give me love for..." I pray for love for the CHURCH and my church, for teens and the older cashiers at the walmart counter who take a long time but probably thought they would be retired in florida by now.
so lately i have been going to the same bank teller every time i deposit a check, talking to her during her cigarette break, and mostly just conveying to her my thankfulness that she doesn't make fun of me when i get my deposit slip wrong every time... (yes, john, i am still bad a math, even with a bachelors) and i hope she somehow sees Jesus.
it's not glamorous- but i hope it's beautiful.
"beautiful, beautiful, Jesus is Beautiful. And Jesus makes beautiful things of my life. carefully touching me, causing my eyes to see Jesus makes things of my life"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7lvrOAzu5V4
