Ah yes, so I have a catchy tag for my blogs... for the moment anyway, anyone who reads these knows I am incredibly inconsistent and may not post again for months. Just as well, too many people spout opinions and nonsense on blogs that I have decided I'd rather wait until my nonsense seems really important to post it.
A little while back I had the privilege of watching some children I care a lot about! It was a unique experience because it involved overnights and being away from my husband. And on about day 3 I figured out what it takes to be a pastor.
Heh.
So lets just make a spiritual comparison to parenting (I'm not a parent) and see where we end up. I was watching three children, one still in diapers, two of them still 'napping'. So somewhere along the way the goal of pure entertainment and fun has to hit the reality of parameters, rules and sanity (at least some sanity). So when I don't cut breakfast waffles the right direction and two out of the three kids are crying as kid three spills milk down the front of herself and also, then, begins crying I start to wonder why God thinks this is the best method of creating a running a planet. All of us raising each other and trying so hard to do something truly, biblically, 'good' but not really getting any credit or satisfaction. So I blurt out something very loving and compassionate like, 'these waffles are fine and they are not going anywhere so you might as well try them. They taste the same, I PROMISE'. Yea, Pastors never loose their patience.
... or how about when child in diapers has pooped but doesn't want me to change him yet so that it starts to leak/osmosi-size out the pant leg. I mean really, picture that eery brownish patch growing near adorably chubby but stinky thighs- I would compare this to sin... maybe a Pastor would say, I see this in your life, it needs to change, it will harm you, and, honestly, it stinks. But we are resistant and resilient to his loving pleas. Are we expecting him to wrestle us to the ground like I had to do with said toddler?
Or that moment when it is bed time, and I am just looking forward to watching reruns of 'say yes to the dress' but each child needs unique attention, they need to be cared for, poured into, .... changed. And in that moment I wonder if a Pastor might say, when will someone pour into me?
So as I was watching these children I thought from time to time, don't they know I want to help them, have fun with them, keep them safe. And (honestly, so much more) I thought about how much their parents live a life that does all those things. Amidst tantrums and their questioning my motive for choosing a pear for lunch snack instead of grapes I thought, I do this to my pastor... I do this to God.
(Just so you know it wasn't an awful week, this is going somewhere.)
All this to say, on our way anywhere, I would pop in Chris Tomlin or David Crowder. On the first day of our babysitting adventure the song 'Our God' started playing. I heard the sound of angels... ok I heard the sound of three kids (even the one in diapers) singing along. And as I tried to watch the road I also watched in the rearview mirror as all three did motions along with the words that magnified the greatness of God. And I wept. The presence of God in a mini-van.
Maybe this is what it takes to be a Pastor. To be willing to give everything to the point of exhaustion (and so far beyond), spiritual, emotional, physical exhaustion, watching your spiritual children question you motives, resist your guidance. To watch children you have loved with everything you have only to watch them walk away from it all. And in turn, to try to release it to the Lord.
But to also see them encounter Christ. To see moments of them learning something new, to watch an idea or concept sink in and to be blessed to witness that moment when the Kingdom of God is not so far away.
