when i think i have something to say

I wrote a friend this morning who I haven't talked to lately and at one point in the message I said, 'ministry isn't as glamorous as I thought it would be.'

does anyone else struggle with this- with really thinking it should *feel like something, like we truly are 'other -worldly' and as we are here so temporarily AND therefore the laundry does't matter so much.  Well here I am, trying to figure out a life where I am VERY this-worldly, where I care about the way my laundry is folded, and how long there will be ugly wood paneling in my house, and when i will be able to say, 'God is doing this great thing and it hurts but it's so good'... and not be thinking about primer.

i struggle with my shallowness verses the things unseen, because, well- they are unseen and the stuff i want is right here on this magazine page.  I struggle with thinking i am God's gift to everyone (yes i am that arrogant) and i struggle with loving a truly wonderful humble husband because he doesn't put the toaster away.

so lately i have not been praying for anything too big- just, love. "God, give me love for..." I pray for love for the CHURCH and my church, for teens and the older cashiers at the walmart counter who take a long time but probably thought they would be retired in florida by now.

so lately i have been going to the same bank teller every time i deposit a check, talking to her during her cigarette break, and mostly just conveying to her my thankfulness that she doesn't make fun of me when i get my deposit slip wrong every time... (yes, john, i am still bad a math, even with a bachelors) and i hope she somehow sees Jesus.

it's not glamorous- but i hope it's beautiful.


"beautiful, beautiful, Jesus is Beautiful. And Jesus makes beautiful things of my life. carefully touching me, causing my eyes to see Jesus makes things of my life"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7lvrOAzu5V4

One blog per summer? looks like it...

Well- This summer I didn't have a whole lot of spare time so the little I had was not about to be spent in front of a screen.  So, here is a synopsis of the summer.

 The season started with a LOT of programming with STEPHANIE REBIS! We worked out curriculum for 7 weeks of themes. The goal was to go through the Bible in the course of the summer so that campers would learn something different no matter how many weeks they attended. We also helped develop orientation and get to know you games for the staff. My favorite part about that was making mailboxes for the staff using cans!

Then the last week of June we had 20+ hours of high ropes. My least favorite part was the swing so here is a pic of Steph being incredibly adventurous ( I sort of looked like a drunk avatar with my hair tail swinging behind me as i healed on for dear life) 

This is Lindsay and Charlie, one of the many truly wonderful staff this summer. This was the night before we needed some supplies for 'Olympics' week- clearly they were helping me find gold medals... :)

The campers.... what it's all about. We had weeks ranging from 35-100 in attendance. It was phenomenal to see the staff work with each camper. Every day we had chapel in the morning and devos after lunch. I was amazed by the ability of the counselors to develop devotions and minister to these kids 5 days a week all summer. Our season runs from July-August - 7 weeks of... everything.

We enjoyed sunsets over the lake every week- some of them full of color- some calm as glass. I, with the help of staff and campers, started a nature cabin this summer- we had 5 terrariums and kids would catch everything from spiders, to frogs to snakes... one mole, some newts... and crayfish- it was interesting letting everything go each week!  

 For our anniversary I was going to get Chris a leatherman (he lost his, or maybe it was Dave- the verdict is still out) but the week before he found this Jeep for $100 bucks so 'Happy Anniversary Chris' now he has a new project which he is enjoying more than i could possibly understand.

I was very excited to fit in my wedding dress 4 years to the day- yesssss!

We called the last week of camp 'Around the world in 5 days' and talked about missions locally and internationally. We tried to introduce the kids to missionaries and begin to open their world up a bit to the needs around them. To help them internalize this- we played games each day that had to do with a third-world type activity. We played stick ball, did a water relay where they had to carry water on their head up from the beach, we taught them some african dances and below we had them collect fire for a campfire and then popped corn over it (a HUGE success, thankfully!)

ok- so there are more pics on my photo stream- but i don't want overwhelm the wifi here. so a few take aways from the summer:

- programming is something i love- really, the details and the prep and the wacky games are so much fun!
- the programming can not get someone saved... and i had to learn, and am still learning, to let some of that go and see relationships in a sort of braid with the logistics ultimately knotted, or used... or threaded through the Holy Spirit.
- love is difficult ... 
- seeing someone truly understand the gospel for the first time is unmatchable, priceless
- my husband is an incredible, patient, godly man
- there are a lot of tasks, things around the house, stuff in my life that i need to purge for the sake of relationships.


*redeemed how I love to proclaim it-

The end is near

I saw hunger games last night. I won't give a review or commentary on the metaphors but I will say it caused me to reconsider how the end is near.

I keep thinking if I really understood how the end times will be (in horror and pain)I would share the gospel... But the reality is- the end is near for thousands of souls at this moment - and at this moment I am as vain as those fictional characters in the Capitol , I'm just better at hiding it.

Ministry + Earthly Reality + Future reality= life as i know it

I stopped blogging- you may have noticed. I just couldn't think of anything to say. I don't know where people get these ideas from to write about and i have had friends encouraging me to recount the journey of ministry- but I have no idea where to pull the words from. So here is an attempt to fill you in honestly and succinctly on the reality of our current ministry.


Chris and I have been living at Sacandaga Bible Conference in Broadalbin, NY since September of last year. Chris is the maintenance director here and I... I catch a lot of Price is Right... (joke-sort of) I help here and there. Got to paint Chris' office and help design the camp brochure for 2012. Mostly any movement for me has been through our church. Have been just trying to meet and love people- have meals, live in other people lives in the hope of changing the world.

And this is where I am trying to face God because the picture I thought he was giving me and the reality of ministry are so very different. I thought I would come, like a force of nature and put my energy into this camp until the point of exhaustion. I thought we would renovate the A-frame we live in and make it the place people come to for safety, hugs, weeping, prayer and definitely singing and dancing! But the picture i cant see is so different.

People come to our house, despite the rather hideous paneling and spiders, and I try to accept that my home will never be featured in some cool thrifty renovation article. And the picture includes exactly enough for our needs plus the occasional date or movie, but i surrender my aesthetic expectations to the God who will sacrifice the physical for the sake of my spiritual growth.

And the picture brings a friend named Stephanie who somehow will have the same yet not the same job as me this summer (nevermind) who i can pray with and dream and plan with and hopefully come up with exciting games and themes for the summer. But it scares me too because I don't know where it will all go or come from or if it will happen.

There are pieces i think i can see but i struggle with skepticism- will this happen, is there hope- how long will i sit in this ministry waiting room?

And in the picture i realize i am just as much as ever an insane control freak, a narcissist and scared of being alone all while running every time something starts feeling too rhythmic. So as I am here, in Ny, in the woods I had been longing for- God has handed me a mirror.. plus himself.

not my home and not my home

sorry it has been a while since my last post- I am by no means a consistent, or addicted blogger.

The saturday after thanksgiving the same person who tiled our bathroom helped us by tiling our woodstove wall also. We now have a slate back splash and base for the stove and it is really beautiful! It was interesting though, we got into a conversation about the type of accent strip I wanted on the wall and i couldn't decide so i blurted out, 'well it's not my home and it's not my home so it doesn't really matter'. If only i was more disciplined in living this truth.

We live at Sacandaga Bible Camp in one of their cabins and so in a literal sense it is not my home because i don't own it. But in a more literal, more.... truer spiritual reality this is not my home at all. And yet every few days, or hours i get sucked into trying to make my life and my house look like a magazine. I believe in using the 5 senses to enjoy beauty and that even that enjoyment worships God- but i also think that i am prone to spend more time worshiping a cute stack of old books or antique bottles than my savior.

So I am trying to remain just a bit displaced. :)

Weekend

Chris and I got to help with an 'all-nighter' this past friday-saturday. We had around 30 kids go to a word of life event in albany and -despite how much i love sleep, it went really well. We also hit some other markers (yay)

our wood stove is in and working, i posted practically identical pictures three days in a row on facebook i was just so happy about it. We also have a lovely tile job finished around the tub and on the floor of the bathrooms, so tomorrow we will install the shower curtain and hardware, hopefully tomorrow night i will be able to shower here in my own house- its been... 11 days without a shower, fortunately no one is living in the A-Frame next door and if i lived in a mansion the bathroom would probably be the same distance away :) So i'm living it up in two Aframes right now.

Still have a mouse- i practically 'bounded' (like the jackalope in that pixar mini-film) out of bed in the middle of last night to try and GET him... get him, as if you 'get' a mouse. So little mouse, I will rejoice, as in old testament times, over your dead body soon because you have made war against the clean stewardship of my kitchen and the carbohydrates i hold so dearly!

And so on, and so forth

We have a few more projects going on than I expected- I really like it when Chris and I finish one project at a time but that just isn't the case with this abode. So, we are still working on the Kitchen, Chris started insulating upstairs, the chimney is almost done, (although I can still see the sky when I look up at it and I'm not sure if that is on purpose), we have started renovating the bathroom... and so on and so forth.

So i am marveling at how the Lord is providing. Thank you to those praying!!! He has provided for a wood burning stove, and 20+ feet of piping for the chimney, and the bathroom tile I mentioned in another post.

Also, it seems, that the Lord will be bringing a pastor on at the church we are attending, starting in the new year. I had the opportunity to meet them and was completely encouraged by their joy and charisma but most of all by their passionate love for God- I have a rather deep appreciation for the marriage of orthodoxy and orthopraxy! How can we love God and not love our community?!~ so yes, I am very excited about the Pastoring family that is coming.

In other news I saw the bald eagles again this past weekend, they were circling over the beach making amazing calls- it was - well, worshipful!

Finally, i have started working on all our taxes for next year! We are going to have to file all the improvements we made on our past house to compensate for the 'obama tax refund' we received. So i figured i should get a head start on that!

Please pray:

A mouse got to my spatulas and for some reason, even after disinfecting i was pretty discouraged- i mean (ew ew ew!!!) we are talking my kitchen aid and william sonoma spatulas that i got for my wedding and you don't just go pick those up... bummer.

but more so, Pray for a growing heart for the area and means to meet and get to to know people!