when i think about cynicism

cynicism... sarcasm that has made the greater leap towards bitterness. I have this reoccurring experience where I move to a new place an meet one, usually specifically one cynical person, sometimes a few. People who can not see the light in much and enjoy seeing the antithesis of joy.

I am drawn, like lottery winner to infomercials. I want to impress, or please, or pacify them. How do you win the admiration of a cynic? Cynicism (though not really, and I will get to that later). I had a friend recently say that she thought being cynical in the christian faith was popular because it seems smarter, to question everything, to doubt everything, to trust nothing. But it drains joy to not be able to stand on faith in those absolute truth, absolute faith moments. Not only that it drains hope, inspiration, love, and general mental and spiritual energy-this I say from experience.

So, I am working on a piece of art today- three actually, one of which might die in a fire soon- and I wonder what my cynic friend would say, what they would say to my face, what they would say behind my back. What they would think. Because aren't cynics really just bitter people walking around looking for something to dissect? So I wonder how they would dissect my art.

And that in turn caused me to consider the childhood idea that being invisible would be neat because you could see what people say about you- as narcissistic as I tend to be I assumed as a child that many people were talking about me. But what about the super power of knowing other's thoughts: ah, the true root of cynicism. To be able to validate or destroy your theories, doubts fears. To know someones true character. This would make us all cynics- don't you think.

Perhaps that's why there is only one who could bear the thoughts of us all, and after fore-knowing them all,     them    all.  He still loved us.  Loves  us.   And died for us.  Not cynically, but willingly.  Not bitterly, but in perfect peace, though anguish filled as it was.

And

Lives for us. Lives for us to have joy. To have communion with him.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, 2looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, 

who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, 

despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.3Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted.

Hebrews 12:..